Mistakes I've Made as an Engineering Manager

Years of management experience across diverse company sizes have yielded valuable lessons, including several crucial mistakes. This article shares those lessons, acknowledging that my perspective as a white woman in tech might shape my experiences. Importantly, this isn't an exhaustive list; learning and making mistakes is an ongoing process.

Lesson 1: Feedback – A Two-Way Street

Effective feedback is critical, but its impact hinges on execution. People don't always give feedback the way they prefer to receive it. To address this, I've implemented team exercises to discuss preferred feedback styles, fostering self-reflection and partnership. Anonymous surveys and direct one-on-one feedback sessions further enhance open communication. Addressing issues promptly prevents later misunderstandings and improves performance reviews. While this approach isn't perfect, it encourages honesty and collective growth, recognizing that individual and team dynamics vary.

Lesson 2: Empowering, Not Protecting

Previously, I over-protected a talented team member, shielding her from challenges. This backfired; her promotion was deprioritized by subsequent managers, and she lacked the self-advocacy skills to secure it. The lesson: focus on teaching necessary skills for independent success, rather than constantly intervening. While it feels counterintuitive to let team members navigate challenges, it fosters genuine growth and prevents fostering dependence. This requires careful consideration of the individual's needs and incremental skill development.

Lesson 3: Repetition is Key to Clarity

Repeating information, even if seemingly redundant, is essential for ensuring understanding. Failure to do so can lead to missed deadlines or tasks. Using diverse communication channels (chats, emails, meetings, etc.) allows for repeated messaging without seeming repetitive. Empowering team members to own information, such as through career laddering exercises, promotes understanding and reduces the need for constant reiteration.

Lesson 4: Embrace Vulnerability

The perception of managers as infallible is unrealistic. Acknowledging mistakes and human fallibility builds trust and fosters a more collaborative environment. Sharing personal struggles, such as a bad day or admitting a lack of understanding, humanizes the management role and creates space for open communication. This is particularly challenging for underrepresented groups, as vulnerability can be misinterpreted. However, a degree of vulnerability can foster a stronger team dynamic.

Management is demanding, and mistakes inevitably occur. Sharing these experiences aims to reduce feelings of isolation and provide potential solutions for navigating common pitfalls. This is just a preview of the content in my upcoming book.

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